Lost in Transition

There has been much to be reminiscent about in my life of late.

Holy awkward, where did that come from?

Got to hang out with Mabz, Maze, and Edz yesterday and we got to see Jared after three years. It was like freshman year all over again, and I was reminded of how silly and crazy and teenager-y we were back then (I suppose we're still 2 out of those 3 things). I was pleasantly suprised that Jared hasn't changed much, except he's much more diligent with school and he's self-sufficient now. Admittedly, prior to meeting him that day I was worried that after living in the States for three years he'd become this balikbayan, or worse (but less likely), that he'd become one of those Filipino kids who move to America and all of a sudden they can't spell correctly and they type the information on their Friendster profiles LyK ThIz Yo'. I'm happy (and relieved) to announce that he isn't like that at all, thank heavens. He's such a great guy and hopefully I can see him again before he leaves.

Today was the last day of summer classes and it feels like I'm leaving school for good. Of course, because I'm going into fifth year I'll still be attending classes and such, but somehow I feel like it won't be the same again. It got me thinking about my life at Pearl Drive and in UA&P.

Oh freshman year. Those were the days: cutting classes to play Counterstrike (we were an all-girl team of five and we'd be up against all these guys, and we'd snipe and knife our way to kicking their butts from time to time. Talk about girl power huh? No wonder we never got dates from that hobby.) There was also my friendly neighborhood dorm buddies, walking around Pearl Drive at one in the morning, or playing Mario Kart at Mickey's (why choppy?) and Carl's place.

Then came second year. I don't remember much, because sophomore year was the year I lost a significant amount of my brain cells and killed off a portion of my liver from all the drinking at Carlo's building's rooftop. It was effing worth it though. Besides, I saved enough of my brain cells to make it to third year...

...which wasn't a very significant year. I met most of my IMC classmates for the first time then, but little did I know that we'd be incredibly close, until...

...senior year came. Crazy hell of a year, and I loved every single moment of it. For instance: a classmate calling me in the middle of the night, talking about you-know-who, and sufficiently in a very you-know-what situation, after consuming her first margarita (wink). Also, JC driving to Michelle's house from Bea's at three in the morning with the Katinko group, and "Sweet Love" playing on the background. And PRSP! Who could forget the girls of PRSP? And Cebu, and the housemates, and our pillow talks! If asked to go through it all over again, however, I'd probably take a rain check. Doing it all over again would be an incredible risk to my health. In any case, I'm happy I survived it with so many memories.

Flash forward to the present, when I announce that tonight is my last night at Pearl Drive (gasp!). How has it been four years already? Next week is supposed to be the last week of my summer vacation, and in a perfect world I'd be spending it in Palawan (sorry Jen!) or bumming around, but because I would have to move to my new place before I start working (gasp!), that's probably not going to happen. I reckon it'd be a nightmare of a week too, seeing as I've accumulated so much crap in my dorm and it'd be a bloody headache shipping it all out to Batangas and bringing some of it to my new flat.

I realize this is a crucial time in my life in a Reality Bites kind of way, you know, my first step into the real world and all that cliche-ish crap, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I am. I feel like Topher Grace's character in In Good Company, when he's in the elevator with Dennis Quaid's daughter, and he admits how he's "shit scared". I'm pretty much feeling that way, but not just about my coming internship and fifth year in IMC, but also, quite plainly, about life. Because I just don't know. I don't know what's going to happen, and it scares the begeezus out of me. Fifth year is supposed to give me direction, a chance to really think about what I want to do with my life, before I actually, finally get out there, with two feet stepping beyond the line, but it's ironic how I'm coming into this feeling so very lost in transition. Separation anxiety is what it probably is. Maybe I'm not quite ready to let go of college life just yet. Maybe that's why my brain's been flooded with all these memories of late. It's all very strange.

Here's to hoping I'll find my way soon enough. Lord knows I hate walking blind.

Can somebody lend me a flashlight?